Everyone says before the big leap: ‘university was the best three years of my life, savour every minute of it’. However, no one prepares you for the emotional effect it can have. Leaving home is always a daunting prospect and on top of this often we have relationships to deal with as well. Of course, it would be a huge generalisation to say everyone finds university emotionally taxing, but there is no denying that some people don’t have the best start to university. I was one of those people. I had to deal with heartbreak and home sickness, both of which were completely new experiences for me. A year on from the ordeal I can safely say: there is light at the end of the tunnel, it does get easier, it will get better and I will feel happy again.
As teenagers, adults consistently tell you that relationships are futile and claim that you are too young for it to be love; this is not always the case. We don’t decide who we are going to fall for and it can often happen at the most inconvenient times.
The way I see it, there are three eventualities for relationships at university: break-up, long-distance or meet someone new at the same university. The sad outcome of this is the majority of university relationships do result in a couple breaking up. I unfortunately fell into this category, however two of my friends are both in long-distance relationships. It is heart-breaking to see them going through such a rollercoaster of emotions on a daily basis: only getting to see their other halves every two weeks or so and not knowing what they are up to. I begin to see even more that trust is a fundamental element in relationship. I am also reminded over and over again how lucky I actually feel that my relationship ended just before I left for university.
Although I had an extremely hard time coming to terms with it, and I went through stages of feeling depressed and not eating for days, but it did start to get easier. The stomach knots began to loosen and the nauseating feeling eventually subsided. Even now, a year and a half on, I am still battling my feelings every single day. This was my first break-up and was one of the most emotionally draining experiences I have ever been through. I’m sure we’ve all been there; wallowing in self-pity, watching endless rom-coms, crying into our ice-cream, asking ‘why don’t they love me?’. Unfortunately heartbreak is just one of life’s battles where time is the best healer.
I found the most effective way to forget my troubles was to apply myself to my work. Currently in my second year of university, I feel empowered and in control of my future. This is in stark contrast to my first year experience in which I did very little work and managed to scrape through with a 2:2. The breakup had a profound effect on my ability to concentrate and my motivation had hit an all-time low. However, in second year my work load has significantly increased and the step up has been considerable. I don’t have time to wonder what my ex is up to or whether they’re dating someone new. By applying myself to my work, I’ve been distracted and I find myself thinking about them less and less each day. I cannot stress enough how important it is to not let an ex impact your educational opportunities. It wasn’t until I received my results at the end of the year that my head kicked in over my heart. Now any time I feel down or miss my ex I tell myself: I’m not going to let this ruin my opportunity, I’m going to do this for me and as a big f**k you to my ex. I personally do not want to look back at the past 3 years as a wasted experience and a waste of £27000+.
The lesson to be taken from my experience is: don’t let a relationship define you. By no means ignore your feelings or deny yourself a Bridget Jones-esque pity party but definitely make the most of what life gives you. I nearly threw away my dream of being a journalist in a depressive moment of weakness and there is nothing more rewarding than to say ‘I made it through’.
The journey is never easy but I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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