I guess some relationships do end in blazing rows where keepsakes get thrown across the room and shatter into trillions of pieces. In heated arguments where people chuck insults at one another that can never be taken back. But, just like not all balloons pop when they burst, not all relationships end in a bang. Instead, they gradually deflate, the fizz disperses away, and you are left with hot air and a lifeless empty shell with not much use to anyone at all.
Trouble is, it is kinda easy just to carry on drifting along in lieu, distancing yourself from one another and slowly letting every little irritating thing the other person does get on your wick. Maybe they haven't done anything wrong per se – no one single incident to pinpoint, no infidelity – but when it comes down to it, it just isn't working. They are not going to be your Prince Charming. We would all save ourselves so much time and heartache if we pulled the plug a whole lot quicker.
However, no one really wants to feel like the Big Bad Wolf. There's an awful lot of blame culture that happens these days and no one likes being on the receiving end.
So, you have been umming and ahhing for weeks or even months, you have thought about every possible scenario, you have discussed it with your friends, with your colleague, with your cat. You know what you need to do and you do it, like a grown-up, mature adult. You sit, you talk, you say it. And doing the deed, like pulling off a band-aid, is probably going to be a lot less painful than you anticipated.
The aftermath might be wondrous – all this new found freedom and independence – but it also can be a little complicated. The prospect of sitting with uncomfortable feelings can sometimes prolong a relationship that has long ago lost its spark. So, here are a few little reminders why it is okay to be the one who calls it quits and why it is important to take autonomy in a relationship rather than sticking to the status quo.
When things come to an end, it's naturally going to bring a mix of emotions. Yeah, it might feel a little sad looking in an empty wardrobe or when the theme tune starts for that TV show you always used to watch together. But, life is a not static; it is fluid and things change for a reason. Feelings of guilt are unhealthy and stop you moving on. Remember that balloon analogy: as one relationship ends like a balloon drifting off on the horizon, it makes space for something new to be filled with your time, energy and hot, steamy air.
Trouble is, it is kinda easy just to carry on drifting along in lieu, distancing yourself from one another and slowly letting every little irritating thing the other person does get on your wick. Maybe they haven't done anything wrong per se – no one single incident to pinpoint, no infidelity – but when it comes down to it, it just isn't working. They are not going to be your Prince Charming. We would all save ourselves so much time and heartache if we pulled the plug a whole lot quicker.
However, no one really wants to feel like the Big Bad Wolf. There's an awful lot of blame culture that happens these days and no one likes being on the receiving end.
So, you have been umming and ahhing for weeks or even months, you have thought about every possible scenario, you have discussed it with your friends, with your colleague, with your cat. You know what you need to do and you do it, like a grown-up, mature adult. You sit, you talk, you say it. And doing the deed, like pulling off a band-aid, is probably going to be a lot less painful than you anticipated.
The aftermath might be wondrous – all this new found freedom and independence – but it also can be a little complicated. The prospect of sitting with uncomfortable feelings can sometimes prolong a relationship that has long ago lost its spark. So, here are a few little reminders why it is okay to be the one who calls it quits and why it is important to take autonomy in a relationship rather than sticking to the status quo.
ONE
Not all relationships are supposed to last a lifetime. Not every first date will be your last first date. Don't beat yourself up over the loss of something that has run its course. Endings are just the beginning of something new.
TWO
Being by yourself is not so bad. You don't have to worry about shaving your legs, drinking on weeknights or snoozing your alarm for the tenth time. Take a step back, take some "me time" and evaluate the positives of being just me, myself and I.
THREE
Just because you called the shots does not make you the bad guy. It makes you honest and proactive and a realist. If the other party wants to try their damnedest to make you feel like you have stepped across from the dark side, that is their prerogative, not yours. Don't let their negativity pull you down. Keep your head high and stick your ground.
FOUR
Don't turn into a diva. Ending a relationship is about making choices and choosing your own path instead of sticking with something because it is the safe option. Maybe their reaction did not go quite as well as you had hoped. Accept their wrath – they have just been given the shove, after all – say your piece, stick to your ground, then zip your lips and breathe deeply.
FIVE
They have emotions too. Maybe they don’t show them or know how to connect with them. But that doesn't mean they don’t have feelings too. Give them space, a little distance and keep your cool when you see their facebook photos of them on the town, again. You’re not the boss of them anymore, so let them do their thing and you do yours.When things come to an end, it's naturally going to bring a mix of emotions. Yeah, it might feel a little sad looking in an empty wardrobe or when the theme tune starts for that TV show you always used to watch together. But, life is a not static; it is fluid and things change for a reason. Feelings of guilt are unhealthy and stop you moving on. Remember that balloon analogy: as one relationship ends like a balloon drifting off on the horizon, it makes space for something new to be filled with your time, energy and hot, steamy air.
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