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| Illustration by: Sophie Hunt |
It is devastating when one goes through heartbreak. No matter how hard we try to disguise it, it still exists deep down in that lovesick mind and vulnerable heart.
Maybe it’s their scent, the small talks, the late night texts or the cuddling, the arguments, his stinky socks, or you crying while watching The Notebook and him comforting you; those memories always haunt you and remind you of your ex-partner. There is this sweet but guilty pain. You want to get rid of it, but you know it is not that easy. You try to drown your pain in tubs of ice cream and heartbreaking movies, listening to that break up playlist you made as a remedy whilst gulping down bottles of wine.
But what is it that makes a heart break so difficult?
Coming out of heartbreak myself just last month, I have decided to give this critical but extremely annoying question a thought. What is heartbreak and why am I stuck as a heartbreak girl with this undying pain?
After my break-up with my-oh-so amazing ex boyfriend, I realised I had a fear — the fear of being alone. I have always played cupid and have also been in several immature relationships myself, but I have never been in a relationship because I wanted to be in love. It was always because I wanted someone to be there for me all the time; a supportive guy who also likes me for who I am. Every girl grew up with her own version of a Disney Prince dream and yes, I had my own.
To be honest, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that almost everyone fears being alone. When you lose someone so close to you, your heart aches purely because you don’t have anyone to share your emotions with. Once you are alone, the reason why you ponder over his pictures and long to hear his voice is because you long for company. Someone to accompany you, care about you and love you, or at least like you and adore you to an extent that makes you happy and wanted by someone who you want and desire.
Along with being a loner right after a break up, you are often anxious to know what is he doing without you. Does he feel the same as you? Is he going through the same pain? Of course, you’ll never know unless he is really a mess without you and he or his kind friends decide to reach you to mend him. Although, life is not a movie and it doesn’t alway happen.
In reality, his friends will probably drag him to a pub to get him drunk, hook him up with a new girl, and most probably try to make him forget about you. I would personally do the same for my own friend. Who likes to see their friend upset?
This anxiety is almost a guilty pleasure. Our beautifully powerful imagination makes us think over phrases, often starting with the words “what if.” Oh how I dread these words! They have made my love life a horror movie with unexpected tricks and turns.
The last reason why heartbreaks are so dreadful — you just hate that you love them so much. You will always do. If you are heartbroken, it definitely means you were in love and most probably you still are. Love is the most difficult feeling to comprehend, as well as being the most beautiful one too. When love is kind, we admire it. When we are betrayed, we curse it. But as they say, karma is a b**ch, and with any luck, what goes around will come around. There’s more to come… you will be in love again and hopefully someday, they will respect your feelings someday and… it will be forever.
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