 |
| Illustration by: MissABeet |
In some ways, life can be like building Ikea furniture; you can never be certain that you are doing it right. But unlike constructing your new Billy bookcase, Hemnes or Förhöja, there’s no instruction manual for living life. Sure, there are tools out there to help – advice from loved ones, inspirational quotes on Pinterest, self-help books – but how can you be sure which tool to use or when it’s best applied?
In my own life, every period of self-assurance – knowing for sure that I’m on the right path – is followed by a period of self-doubt and feeling a little lost. Frustration grows with age; shouldn’t I have this all figured out by now? Just as I began to understand what it meant to be a teen, I entered my twenties and I’m equally as confused, but for entirely different reasons. And no doubt, I will only work out how to be a twenty-something when I hit my thirties, and so on and so forth…
Although I may not always believe it, I’m certain that we all experience this swinging pendulum of emotions; confusion followed by clarity, stress followed by calm, lost followed by found. But where do you find comfort when you’re lost and confused, when there’s no map, no list of instructions, and no one to tell you which way to turn?
Recently, I’ve come to realise that trying to find an answer isn’t always where comfort lies; it’s in knowing that others are just as mixed up and confused as you are. And discovering those “others” isn’t as difficult as you might think. When you’re finding it hard to confide in loved ones or when no one can relate, you can truly rely on your film collection to provide you with a character who feels exactly as you do. And that is what I have allowed to influence my film choices of late; how I’m feeling, and which story or character I know will truly provide me with comfort at a particular moment in time. By the time the credits are rolling, my feelings are controlled, rationalised and understood, and I’m left telling myself: “Hey, it’s going to be okay and – you know what – maybe we’re all just a little confused anyway”.
I have to confess, I’ve broken the rules this month; not everything I’m about to share with you is a film, but I hope you find them some comfort in all of them, as I have. What’s more, most of them can be found on Netflix or YouTube. (Seriously, how did we watch all these films and TV shows before Netflix? Actually, don’t answer that.) But these are the films that have truly provided me comfort in periods of self-doubt; when I have felt lost on my life path.
Frances Ha (released in 2013) is one of the many reasons that I am grateful for Netflix. I’m not sure I would have known it existed if I hadn’t been scrolling aimlessly through the iPad app one night (read: at 2am when I should have been sleeping), but my world is a better place for knowing that it does. This quirky black and white movie tells the story of Frances Halladay (played by Greta Gerwig), a 27-year-old dancer with poor career prospects who lives in Brooklyn with her best friend, Sophie. When Sophie decides to move in with her boyfriend, Frances is left without a stable place to live. Having been separated from the one person who really understood and helped to define her, she feels lost and disconnected.
The primary thing that makes Frances so relatable is her ditzy personality; she’s clumsy, socially awkward and perhaps a little inappropriate at times (I, for one, can relate to all of these traits). “I’m so embarrassed. I’m not a real person yet,” she admits. And, like so many of us, Frances is haunted by the fact that everyone around her seems happier and more successful; as though they really have life “figured out”. Frances, on the other hand, is struggling to find a place within her chosen career field – modern dance. Truth be told, she isn’t the most talented dancer, but she truly battles to improve and find her niche in the industry despite that. I think many of us never truly feel like masters of our craft and Frances can really be an inspiration to us all.
The protagonist of Tiny Furniture (played by a pre-Girls Lena Dunham, who also wrote and directed the film), suffers many of the same trials and tribulations as Frances. Aura is struggling to find her place in the world, post-graduation and post-breakup. Returning home to New York, she attempts to adjust back into life with her mother and sister (played by Lena’s real-life sister, Grace), away from the university friendships that she used to rely on. Everything is somewhat of an anticlimax. She finds a job, but not one that she particularly wants or one that pays very well; she forms relationships with two rather self-centred men, neither of whom can provide her with the attention or respect she desires; she jousts with her teenage sister, who is already more successful and talented than she is; and she convinces herself that she is having a really hard time – as we all often do. Discovering her mother’s old journals, written when she was of a similar age, provides Aura with the same epiphany as I seek when looking for stories and characters to relate to. She reads them as she attempts to navigate herself through life and realises that her mum, who now seems so level-headed and successful, has suffered all the confusion that she is currently experiencing. I must admit, I didn’t love this movie as much as Frances Ha, but it certainly served the purpose of reminding me that feeling lost isn’t such an unusual feeling in your twenties and post-university.
I was thrilled when I first heard about God Help The Girl. Not only do I like musicals, but I like Belle & Sebastian; so naturally, a musical written and directed by Stuart Murdoch of Belle & Sebastian appealed to me greatly. Firstly, I have to admit, it isn’t the best movie in the world; there are occasions where the dialogue was a little cringe inducing. In that respect, it kind of reminded me of awkward British teen movies from the ‘00s, such as Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. Regardless of this, I actually really liked the movie – and I’ve watched it more than once! Like Tiny Furniture and Frances Ha, it is a great representation of a girl struggling to find herself and her place in the world. Eve, the protagonist of the film, is suffering from anorexia. She often sacrifices her self-care for her love of music and songwriting, and she has a history of making bad choices and surrounding herself with bad influences. In short, she has issues with balancing her art, her relationships, and her own health – a trap that is all too easy to for us all to fall into. Several months prior to the start of the movie, Eve moved from Australia to Scotland with a boyfriend. Breaking up with said boyfriend left her without a support system of family and friends, which we can only assume was partly – or entirely – to blame for the decline in her mental health. Only when she finds two friends – James and Cassie, who both share her love of music and songwriting – is she able to start evaluating her life and dreams, and start taking measures to achieve what she truly desires, whilst maintaining a life healthy balance. God Help The Girl is not only relatable, but acts as a reminder that surrounding yourself with positive and supportive influences – friends and family – provides you with a vital support system. Putting career, creativity, or anything else before it, is likely to lead you down the wrong path.
A couple of weeks ago, I came across a speech that Tavi Gevinson gave at the Melbourne Writer’s Festival, entitled “Tavi’s World” (you can find it on YouTube, here). If you haven’t heard of Tavi before, she is a writer, editor of popular teen online magazine Rookie, an actress, and spokesperson for teenage girls the world over – and she’s only eighteen. In this particular speech, she talks about her struggles, as a writer and a creative, with originality; especially having grown up in the internet era, where anyone can publish with ease and you can’t help but feel as though everything has already been done, said or written about. I think it’s pretty rare if you are a creative who has never feared being unoriginal. Tavi talks of how she finds solace, as both a creative and as a girl suffering the trials and tribulations of teen life, in “fan girling”, journaling and immersing herself in the creativity of others. And it makes so much sense. When struggling with my own writing, I would usually either torment myself or attempt to force creativity, which was rarely productive. Since watching Tavi’s speech, I’ve taken a whole different stance; I have accepted that I’m not always going to feel original, creative or even very good at what I do – but, it’s all part of the process. Now when I feel this way, I take a break – however long it takes – to read a book, listen to music, find interesting articles online, or watch an inspiring movie. It’s all about accepting that you don’t always have to be actively creating to be creative. Tavi explores the world of journaling as an outlet for both her creativity and her explosive teenage feelings. Instead of recording her personal feelings, she records and categorises the things she currently likes, whether it be a piece of art, a place she’s visited, Taylor Swift lyrics or a Virginia Woolf quote. I, myself, have attempted to keep journals in the past – using them as a tool when I’m feeling lost or overly emotional – but on the whole, I found writing down my own feelings a little cringey and not overly enjoyable. Recording the work of others and exploring the things you like and enjoy, on the other hand, is both enjoyable and rather therapeutic. Often the things you are currently “fan girling” are a reflection of the way you are currently feeling and can reflect those feelings better than trying to explain them yourself. Tavi’s advice is both comforting and inspiring – for teens, twenty-somethings and beyond – and I would definitely recommend watching the speech in its entirety. She has also done a TED talk entitled “A Teen Just Trying To Figure It Out"; I am yet to watch it, but I can only imagine it would provide even more inspiration and nuggets of Tavi’s wisdom.
Watching Sex and the City comforts me as a twenty-something because it reminds me that even the thirty-somethings (and forty-somethings by the time you reach the last couple of seasons and the movies, if you choose to venture that far) haven’t got it all “figured out”. And I will find it comforting in my thirties and forties because it will remind me that I’m not the only one – no doubt – who is still a little lost and confused. As I’m sure you are all aware, the series follows four women and their daily trials and tribulations, whether it be to do with their relationships, femininity, careers, families, or health. Carrie, the main protagonist, records their struggles and the lessons that they learn – or should learn – from them in her newspaper column. Despite writing about love and relationships for a living, Carrie hasn’t even got those pegged in her own life, making it seem much more acceptable for the rest of us to have our own issues in that area. The sitcom spans six seasons and two feature films, so there is likely to be a relatable episode for every problem you might have!
How do you find solace when you are feeling lost and confused? Do you have any go-to movies or books for those times?
No comments:
Post a Comment